There’s nothing worse than when someone stands too close to you, except when they stand too close to you while your pants are open. I don’t think women appreciate the kind of drama that unfolds in gas station bathrooms across America that have three stalls but one is a child’s, or when there are three urinals and the guy before you chooses the middle one. Which john should you pick in these situations?
In addition to choosing the right pee catcher, here are a few very important rules for the restroom that some people obviously need to hear.
General Restroom Etiquette
Get Done and Get Out. Restrooms are for one thing–well, two really, but that’s it. When using a public bathroom, don’t do anything but what you came in for. Don’t talk on the phone, eat, or conduct business transactions of any type.
Stay quiet. That means no humming, whistling, or singing. Don’t talk to people you don’t know, except for a curt “Hey.” Even if you know the person, keep talk down to a minimum unless you are waiting in line (at a sports event), and then don’t discuss topics like relationships, romance, or genital warts. Don’t give compliments of any type for any reason in the restroom.
Eyes front. Always keep your eyes straight ahead toward the wall. There’s no need for eye contact, and there’s no excuse for your eyes to be anywhere else. That’s why they put newspapers up on the wall.
Wash Your Hands. It’s bad enough that this must be mentioned, but do I also need to elaborate on this one?
Urinal Selection
Allow Personal Space. This is one of the most important issues in men’s restrooms. Always leave at least one urinal between you and the person beside you, if you can.
Don’t pee next to someone if you can help it. The basic rule here is stay as far away from other men while your genitals are exposed. You’d think this was a simple concept, but it seems many have a hard time grasping it, no pun intended.
In fact, always stand as far away from others as possible. If there is a whole row of urinals and the one on the far left is being used, go for the one on the right. There’s no reason to be any closer to the other guy than you have to be.
What to test out your urinal-analysis skills? Try the short quiz that inspired this post: The Urinal Game. You can also download a similar iPhone App.
What Do You Think?
What other annoying things do people do in the bathroom? What rules would you add? Let us know in the comments!
lol you put a smile on my face today. I needed that. Great tips, funny stuff. I’m surprised you didn’t talk about farting, urinal pucks or splashing.
And if someone is standing in the middle of 3 urinals and I need to pee, I’m using the stall!
I hadn’t considered those three things. What are your rules when it comes to farting at a urinal?
If you have to fart, wait until you’re alone, go outside, or fart in the stall.
Good call. There’s nothing creepier than standing near a guy who farts when he pees.