If you’ve been with a woman for any length of time, you know that things can get… well, blah. Life becomes routine, and when that happens problems can get swept under the rug; situations that need to be dealt with aren’t. Over time, this can cause distance. Is there trouble brewing? Here are a few diagnostic questions to help you gauge the health of your relationship.
First Things First
Before you start digging around, you have to have the right motive. As a man, your main job as a husband is to protect and care for your wife. That means you have to put her needs above your own. There’s no room for selfishness in a marriage. It’s about teamwork.
These questions are hard to ask because they will either force you to help your teammate shoulder her burden, or it will be a critique of you as a man. Make sure you’re mature enough to handle the truth.
Remember, the focus of this is to make sure she’s being taken care of — provided for. It’s not about you or what you want. It’s about her. Swallow your pride and face the truth.
These questions are listed in no particular order, and they’re not intended to be discussed in one sitting, but as you get the chance, stop and ask her about these things as you’re watching TV, driving down the road, or lying in bed together.
1. How Was Your Day Today?
This is an easy, low-risk question to ask. It is simple enough, but what you’re really saying is profound. You think you’re asking for a list of what she did that day, but what you’re telling her is, “I care about even the small details of your life.”
A lot of guys have a hard time listening to their wives talk about their day, but that only reveals how self-centered those dudes really are. By inviting her to talk about what’s been going on, you’re actually telling her that you’re willing to share the load of her day. And what does that really cost you? A few minutes of listening? If you’re not willing or able to do that, you’re not the man your wife deserves.
2. Where Do You Want Us To Be In Five/Ten/Forty Years?
This is a good question for two reasons: 1. You’re telling her that her opinions are valuable to you, and 2. You’ll get a good picture of her dreams, what she wants her life to become.
I hope you understand that your main job is to make her life as amazing as she wants it to be. If she wants six more kids, a bigger house, a better job, or a new tattoo, discuss what it would take to make that happen. Sometimes dreams are just that, dreams. But if you can make it happen for her, why not?
One of the best pieces of advice I can give a married couple is to never stop dreaming together. Usually you’ll have a good grasp of what you want, and it’s easy to drive headlong through life doing what you want to do, instead of what both of you want to do. Work your dreams together.
3. What Do You Like Most About Me?
This one will help you gauge what you’re doing right. However, you don’t ask this just to stroke your ego, what you really need to look for is what she’s not mentioning. For instance, instead of saying, “I like it that you take the trash out” she might say, “I like it when you take the trash out,” implying that you need to take it out more regularly.
This one will usually build you up a little bit before asking the potentially painful question below:
4. What Would You Change About Our Life Together?
This is not a good one to ask over dinner with the in-laws.
This is a hard question because you’re asking her to directly evaluate your relationship. Hard questions are hard, but you need to ask it because your marriage will never grow if it’s not challenged.
The problem is that most men are afraid of being challenged. She might not like your mustache. She might hate the hours you work. She might want to spend more time talking. She might be miserable. You might not like her answers because she could say that you’re a real loser. (However, if you care enough to even ask this question, you’re probably not a total loser.)
Don’t let the fear of uncertainty (what she might say) prevent you from being a man and taking the responsibility to care for your wife.
If you ask this question, be ready to either explain why some things can’t be changed, or be prepared to change. You might need to apologize for something in the past. You might need to make a commitment for the future. Be ready to change.
Final Thoughts
If you ask her these questions be ready for her to ask you the same. Be ready to tell her about what you’d like to change about your relationship or what you like best about her. Make sure you take the time to think hard about your answers. That shows her that you give a care about your life together.
The point of all of this is to make strengthen your relationship together, and that growth can hurt. However, the difference between where you are now and where you want to be is the pain that you are unwilling to endure to get there.
What Do You Think?
Are you ready to talk ask these questions? If not, why? What price would you be willing to pay to show your woman that you love her?
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